Some nights when I crawl in to my comfy cozy bed I find that I fall asleep without any complications. Some nights I fall asleep in the mid-Buffy or Angel episode (my recent bedtime viewing of choice) without even realizing it until the credits roll & the theme song starts playing (because it is always infinitely louder than the tv show itself....wtf is that all about?? But I digress...)
Other nights? Not so much. Some nights I will crawl in my comfy cozy bed with every intention of falling asleep but often my mind has other plans. It always starts innocently enough. Musing random occurrences and exchanges that happened throughout the day. Thoughts of projects I am tackling at work, and what I would like to accomplish the next day. Things I would like to do in the future and what I can do now to help make these ideas a reality. Before I know it my mind is going a million miles an hour, I am up waaaay past my bedtime (oh my god I have to be up in 3 hours for work!), and for the life of me I . JUST . CAN'T . SLEEP. I start to panic. My heart races. I have anxiety about not being asleep, and in reality this makes sleep far more difficult to acheive.
The strangest part about these nights is that this wide-eyed frantic, anxious, sleep-deprived state seems to be my muse. It is when I am in this state that things suddenly become clear and I am compelled to write down whatever epiphany presents itself. The urge is so overwhelming that I cannot fight it. It becomes evident that if I do not write it down I will never sleep, or worse, I will forget what was so incredibly important in that moment.
Last night was one of those nights. This is what I wrote:
December 2nd 2010, 12:50am.
No.Body
Nobody has the ability to make you feel unworthy.
You alone have the ability to assert your own worth.
Nobody has the ability to make you feel inferior.
You alone have the ability to determine the standards you will live by.
I am passionate.
I am strong.
I am open.
I am honest.
I am worthy.
I am capable.
I deserve to love, and to be loved in turn.
I deserve to be held, as well as someone to hold.
I deserve to let myself feel these things.
I deserve to let myself have these things.
I deserve better than this.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Open Love Letters To Imaginary & Not-So-Imaginary People
I'm not usually a fan girl.
OK, so maybe that's a lie.
I'm usually not the type of fan girl who publicly proclaims her love for the object of her fanaticism. This post is an exception. This post will be comprised of a series of open love letters to people & characters I currently adore.
Dear Dr. Spencer Reid,
I realize that you are a character and not a real person, but I still can't stop myself from thinking you could be my ideal man. I have a weakness for tall, lanky, socially awkward men and you definitely fit the bill. Your intelligence is staggering, and yet you still have difficulty with interpersonal relationships. I think that I could help you with that. By chance, when you aren't chasing serial killers do you find time to enjoy cartoons, art or independent music? If so, I really think it would be in your best interests to respond, so that we can begin the rest of our lives together as soon as possible.
Much Love, Me.
Dear Penelope Garcia,
Although I do realize that you are a fictional character, I would like it very much if you adopted me as your little sister. I love your funky sense of style, and since I am a bigger girl myself I think that we could have some fun raiding each other's closets. You could teach me how to cultivate a self confidence similar to yours, and how to sweet-talk a man regardless of how incredibly sexy he might be. You are absolutely adorable, and yet sultry at the same time. Please, teach me your ways!
Also, if you could find the time to help me develop an in-depth understanding of my PC it would be much appreciated. Please consider my proposition and reply as soon as you have a chance.
Much Love, Me.
Dear Scott Weiland,
I have been contemplating this for a while, and have come to the conclusion that you are by far, my favourite junkie. I admire a man who is persistent, and I can't think of anyone who has skirted the law or attended rehab as many times as you have during your life as a celebrity. Plus, your music is wicked and you look really sexy in low-rise leather pants of many assorted colours (i.e. the music video for Big Bang Baby, or Slither). Despite my admiration,
I must insist that you do not reply to this letter. I fear that you would be far too much for me to handle in real life, so instead I hope that you keep doing what you're doing. Remember, rehab is for quitters...and it takes a special talent to make a mugshot look sexy.
Much Love, Me.
Dear 30 Seconds to Mars,
I must admit that despite thoroughly enjoying you music, there was still a part of me that wondered if you were no more than prog-rock ego masturbation for your frontman, Jared Leto (*swoon*). Enter: This Is War. I haven't yet had the chance to listen to the album in it's entirety, but what I've heard so far has been fantastic. I have so much respect for your creativity and your risk-taking.
First of all, to have not one or two album covers....but two thousand covers featuring images of your fans' faces? Who does that? 30:TM does. Secondly, to have jam sessions with your fans around the world, call
them Summits & then use the recordings in your release? Who does that? 30:TM does. It is so refreshing to include your fanbase in your creative process. It makes music feel like it belongs to the people again, instead of being thrown down from some ivory tower. My personal fave so far? Night of the Hunter.
Way to go boys. Eff the nay-sayers.
Much Love, Me.
And last, but by no means least....
Dear Nintendo Game Developers,
I cannot thank you enough for Legend of Zelda:Twilight Princess for Wii. I thought that video games would never get any better for me than The Ocarina of Time for N64. Majora's Mask was SUCH a disappointment that I thought I would never save Hyrule again..
.but here we are, years later, and my love for Zelda is back and stronger than ever. This game is taking over my life. In the week & a half that I have had it, I have already spent over 24hrs in Hyrule. And seriously, Link turns into a wolf?! Brilliant. I have a new favourite video game of all time...and I never thought it would happen. Well done. Do not bother replying, because I will be stuck somwhere in Hyrule....unless of course you send it via the mailman there who calls me Mister Leah. You should also probably tell him I'm a girl.
Much Love, Me.
OK, so maybe that's a lie.
I'm usually not the type of fan girl who publicly proclaims her love for the object of her fanaticism. This post is an exception. This post will be comprised of a series of open love letters to people & characters I currently adore.
Dear Dr. Spencer Reid,
I realize that you are a character and not a real person, but I still can't stop myself from thinking you could be my ideal man. I have a weakness for tall, lanky, socially awkward men and you definitely fit the bill. Your intelligence is staggering, and yet you still have difficulty with interpersonal relationships. I think that I could help you with that. By chance, when you aren't chasing serial killers do you find time to enjoy cartoons, art or independent music? If so, I really think it would be in your best interests to respond, so that we can begin the rest of our lives together as soon as possible.
Much Love, Me.
Dear Penelope Garcia,Although I do realize that you are a fictional character, I would like it very much if you adopted me as your little sister. I love your funky sense of style, and since I am a bigger girl myself I think that we could have some fun raiding each other's closets. You could teach me how to cultivate a self confidence similar to yours, and how to sweet-talk a man regardless of how incredibly sexy he might be. You are absolutely adorable, and yet sultry at the same time. Please, teach me your ways!
Also, if you could find the time to help me develop an in-depth understanding of my PC it would be much appreciated. Please consider my proposition and reply as soon as you have a chance.
Much Love, Me.
Dear Scott Weiland,
I have been contemplating this for a while, and have come to the conclusion that you are by far, my favourite junkie. I admire a man who is persistent, and I can't think of anyone who has skirted the law or attended rehab as many times as you have during your life as a celebrity. Plus, your music is wicked and you look really sexy in low-rise leather pants of many assorted colours (i.e. the music video for Big Bang Baby, or Slither). Despite my admiration,
I must insist that you do not reply to this letter. I fear that you would be far too much for me to handle in real life, so instead I hope that you keep doing what you're doing. Remember, rehab is for quitters...and it takes a special talent to make a mugshot look sexy.Much Love, Me.
Dear 30 Seconds to Mars,
I must admit that despite thoroughly enjoying you music, there was still a part of me that wondered if you were no more than prog-rock ego masturbation for your frontman, Jared Leto (*swoon*). Enter: This Is War. I haven't yet had the chance to listen to the album in it's entirety, but what I've heard so far has been fantastic. I have so much respect for your creativity and your risk-taking.
First of all, to have not one or two album covers....but two thousand covers featuring images of your fans' faces? Who does that? 30:TM does. Secondly, to have jam sessions with your fans around the world, call
them Summits & then use the recordings in your release? Who does that? 30:TM does. It is so refreshing to include your fanbase in your creative process. It makes music feel like it belongs to the people again, instead of being thrown down from some ivory tower. My personal fave so far? Night of the Hunter.Way to go boys. Eff the nay-sayers.
Much Love, Me.
And last, but by no means least....
Dear Nintendo Game Developers,
I cannot thank you enough for Legend of Zelda:Twilight Princess for Wii. I thought that video games would never get any better for me than The Ocarina of Time for N64. Majora's Mask was SUCH a disappointment that I thought I would never save Hyrule again..
.but here we are, years later, and my love for Zelda is back and stronger than ever. This game is taking over my life. In the week & a half that I have had it, I have already spent over 24hrs in Hyrule. And seriously, Link turns into a wolf?! Brilliant. I have a new favourite video game of all time...and I never thought it would happen. Well done. Do not bother replying, because I will be stuck somwhere in Hyrule....unless of course you send it via the mailman there who calls me Mister Leah. You should also probably tell him I'm a girl.Much Love, Me.
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