Some nights when I crawl in to my comfy cozy bed I find that I fall asleep without any complications. Some nights I fall asleep in the mid-Buffy or Angel episode (my recent bedtime viewing of choice) without even realizing it until the credits roll & the theme song starts playing (because it is always infinitely louder than the tv show itself....wtf is that all about?? But I digress...)
Other nights? Not so much. Some nights I will crawl in my comfy cozy bed with every intention of falling asleep but often my mind has other plans. It always starts innocently enough. Musing random occurrences and exchanges that happened throughout the day. Thoughts of projects I am tackling at work, and what I would like to accomplish the next day. Things I would like to do in the future and what I can do now to help make these ideas a reality. Before I know it my mind is going a million miles an hour, I am up waaaay past my bedtime (oh my god I have to be up in 3 hours for work!), and for the life of me I . JUST . CAN'T . SLEEP. I start to panic. My heart races. I have anxiety about not being asleep, and in reality this makes sleep far more difficult to acheive.
The strangest part about these nights is that this wide-eyed frantic, anxious, sleep-deprived state seems to be my muse. It is when I am in this state that things suddenly become clear and I am compelled to write down whatever epiphany presents itself. The urge is so overwhelming that I cannot fight it. It becomes evident that if I do not write it down I will never sleep, or worse, I will forget what was so incredibly important in that moment.
Last night was one of those nights. This is what I wrote:
December 2nd 2010, 12:50am.
No.Body
Nobody has the ability to make you feel unworthy.
You alone have the ability to assert your own worth.
Nobody has the ability to make you feel inferior.
You alone have the ability to determine the standards you will live by.
I am passionate.
I am strong.
I am open.
I am honest.
I am worthy.
I am capable.
I deserve to love, and to be loved in turn.
I deserve to be held, as well as someone to hold.
I deserve to let myself feel these things.
I deserve to let myself have these things.
I deserve better than this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
