Look At Me, Silly Me, I'm As Happy As Can Be

No, really. I'm just as surprised as you are.

I'm not going to apologize for not being on top of my blog anymore. I am sooooo super crazy busy funtimes that this is the first thing I will let slip if something's gotta slip. I love blogging but this shit don't pay the bills, or get me A's in school.

So far this semester has been fabulous. I'm working all the time, I'm doing well in my classes and I even joined the gym (no shit!). Add in a light sprinkling of activities social in nature and overall, this chick is quite pleased with herself. For the first time in a looong time I feel productive & content.

I feel like myself again....and I remember why I like me. Mostly because I'm friggin awesome. I love my friends, my family.....my life in general right now. Sometimes it's stressful, but I've got a pretty good grip on things....and that counts for so much.

I Have Conquered The Winter!!

Yeah, you heard me. Winter is my bitch.

Typically Winter & I do not get along. I don't really enjoy being cold....or wet.....or effin' COLD. I usually spend most of the winter indoors trying to solve the puzzle of human hibernation. Until now.

This winter in the Niagara region we have been blessed (ha!) with copious amounts of snow. You can say that I was less than pleased....at first. This blustery winter season I have come to appreciate it, or at least fight back. This battle has been epic and ongoing for 25 years now, and every year winter kicks my ass. This year the tables have turned, winter! Take that!

It started innocently at first....walking to the corner store in a snow storm to avoid driving. Then it escalated after pushing SEVERAL cars out of snow drifts. What happens next is no less than earth shattering....

Yesterday night.....I went for a hike. In the snow. And it was MY idea. No shit.

I'm just as shocked as you are, but it looked so nice with the ankle-deep snow & the big fluffy flakes falling slowly....it was hypnotic. I had a blast. Once I started hiking I was going full tilt....up hills, down hills, through thickets....over fallen trees...and even falling in the snow while ascending a particularly steep slope. It was cold, but I didn't mind.

So bring it on winter.....I'm ready for you this time. You can huff & puff & blow the snow down, but it's not going to keep me cooped up inside. I've got far too much exploring to do.

No, It Didn't Hurt Too Much When I Fell Off The Face Of The Earth

I'm a bad, bad blogger.

It's been almost ten days since my last post....but I have been sooooo busy. I'm back in class, and I'm working like a slave child so you will have to forgive my absence. Things should be back to normal after next week. I think.

Then again, my life as of late has been an ongoing process of trying to "get back to normal". Well, normal for me anyways. But I am starting to feel like myself again....and that's awesome.

The bad news is, I haven't really given much thought to an actual post for this topic....so it's basically just a quick "Hey! Happy new year! Don't worry, I'm still alive!" I do have a couple cool ideas rolling around for future posts though....so stay tuned!

Maybe When We're Done With Endings This Can Begin

And so 2008 comes to a close. Well, it's been....interesting.

It's been a journey through the highest of highs, as well as the lowest of lows. There are memories I hope I'll never forget....and some that I wish I could.

There is one thing that I have found myself thinking about repeatedly lately, and that is how lucky I am. In my life I have been fortunate enough to meet some incredible people...and I am proud to call these fine folks my friends & family.

It's funny how hardship can make you appreciate the support systems in your life.

I know I'm not the most affectionate person...I don't hug as often as I should. I don't generally cuddle with people unless I'm really comfortable with them. Even then, from time to time I find myself feeling uncomfortable without having a real reason. Maybe I have intimacy issues. Well, I suppose we can just throw that one on top of my existing pile of issues.

I guess what I'm trying to say is how grateful I am. I love you guys...a whole crapload. I don't want to even imagine where or what I would be if I did not have you all in my life. Thanks for sticking it out with me...this year & the years previous too.

Hopefully I haven't pissed you all off too much this year so that we can make some fantastic new memories in 2009. Here's to the rest of this year, and all the best in the new one.

I'm Not Broken...

I'm not broken.

It may appear to you that I'm flawed....that somewhere along the line someone or something damaged me. This might be true, but it doesn't mean I'm broken.

I'm not broken.

I might not be perfect....I make mistakes, and tend to repeat them. I may from time to time make things harder than they need to be, but it doesn't mean I'm broken.

I'm not broken.

I'm not as happy as I used to be....but I'm not as sad as I know I can be. Time and experience have taught me how to numb my pain. I hurt, but it doesn't mean I'm broken.

I'm not broken.

I seem to be a pet project that you say you are trying to fix, but your actions always make things worse. You beat yourself up, painting yourself as the martyr...but it still doesn't make me broken.

Even if I was, I wouldn't need you to fix me. I can fix myself.....

But I'm not broken.

Busy On The Outside, Dead On The Inside

Oh how I loathe & detest the holiday season.

Why? Well, try & visit a mall in the next couple days....or even driving in the relative proximity of one. It took a half an hour to drive my grandmother to the grocery store yesterday. I could have walked there in about ten minutes. If it were up to me I would have said screw the whole thing, but starving grandmothers without groceries is not what the holiday season is about.

It's about sharing joy & peace with your fellow man, right? Tell that to the shoppers who seem to have not only forgotten about courtesey, but also your basic rules of the road. Let me tell you how peaceful & joyful I felt....with a honk of my horn & an obscene gesture.

The holiday season is definitely about the birth of Christ, right? Let's pretend I'm not agnostic for the sake of arguement...I still seem to get lost somewhere between a baby being born a looooong time ago in a desert and some jolly fat man committing a million b&e's the same night every year (How the hell does he get away with it? You think someone would have caught on by now. That bastard always eats all my cookies, EVERY DAMN YEAR). And then there is the copious amounts of alcohol, food, and material goods. I may be misinformed, but I'm pretty sure Jesus was anti-gluttony & consumerism. But then again it's been a while since we've been on speaking terms, so maybe his opinion has changed.

On the most basic level the holiday season is being with the people you love. Well, once the stress of dressing up & running around town in attempt to see eveyone I've ever met has passed, all I really want to do is nap my way into the new year. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends & family with all my heart....but I make a solid effort to show them that consistantly. It's alot of pressure to find that one gift that perfectly reflects the feelings you should be expressing throughout the year....and am I the only person that finds this practice a little shallow & materialistic?

So call me what you will....a Grinch....a Scrooge...but I'm not going to be apologetic. Chrismas music generally makes me want to projectile vomit and don't even get me started about the ridiculous snow we've been having. So if you see me, friends, be wary...I may look pleasant on the outside but one false move & I swear I'll snap like the wishbone from your festive turkey.

On that note, Happy Holidays all....this year you're getting my favourite anti-holiday song. Hey, it beats coal.

Ch-ch-changes...

Over the past few months I have gone through a few big changes. Over the past few days I had the opportunity to re-visit a couple different elements of my old life.

It was kinda strange.

Why is it that things are never quite like you remember them? There is a certain bittersweetness to going back, because you may have fond memories of the way things used to be. At the same time, there is a tinge of sadness because things aren't exactly the same....there are new situations, new people.....and the spot where you used to fit isn't really there anymore.

sigh.

And so we push on, take risks and we find new spots where we fit...but there will always be a spot in your heart & memories in your mind of the old comfy spot that doesn't really exist anymore.



Interesting sidenote:
Somebody referenced my blog in everyday conversation yesterday. Strange to think that people actually read my musings. Thanks for your patronage! heh