If You Could Live Forever, What Would You Live For?

Last night I went to go see Twilight. I've read the first three novels in the series, and the movie is pretty decent. It stays fairly true to the novel and it seems like they only edited what was necessary to compress it into a 90 minute run time. For those of you living under a rock, the premise is simply this: Teenage girl falls in love with vampire. It can be a tad dramatic and over the top at points, but I have a soft spot for it because I found the series really useful for some emotional purging a while back (ie.: read book & cry like a baby).

But this post isn't about the movie (although I do recommend it as well as the novels). In the novels one of the main characters asks at one point "If you could live forever what would you live for?" and that got me thinking...what WOULD I live for?

As far back as I can remember, ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to be a vampire. If given the option today, I wouldn't even have to think about it. Feel free to laugh, I know I do. I remember lying in my bed fantasizing about the night when some gorgeous vampire would sweep into my room (via the window of course), profess his undying love (no pun intended), and proceed to seductively bite me and turn me into a vampire myself. Then together we would steal off into the night, never to return and living a million perfect & exciting lifetimes all over the world. Perhaps these were nothing more than the fantasies of an oversexed pubescent girl who read too many Anne Rice novels, but I think that upon further examination it can be a reflection of what I desire from life. Humour me.

When I think of vampires (especially female vamps), I see them as these beautiful, sexy & seductive creatures. Despite their attractive exterior, they are also incredibly strong and intelligent...truly the ultimate predator. These are all qualities I admire, and would love to posses. Except maybe the predator part....well in your conventional sense anyways. Speaking as a woman who is truly tired of being an emotional victim (granted, of my own making) it would nice to remember what it's like to be the predator. I used to be really good at it. There is something really satisfying about feeling so in control, and not letting yourself be vulnerable.

The flip side to this fantasy can be extrapolated from the actions of the male vampire: he professses his undying love, joins us together forever and takes me away on this wonderful adventure of a life. It's really kind of sad that my dream life is completely dependant on the love of a stranger.

So what can I take from this? Maybe I need to spend more time focusing on myself, nurturing the traits that I desire. Maybe when I make myself into the strong, independant person that I want to be, the rest of my life will just fall into place? At least that's what people keep telling me. But until then, I will continue to think about my imaginary vampire lover, and wonder when he will come & sweep me off my feet....hey, it could happen....one day....maybe? And if you see me on the streets, don't worry, I don't bite......hard, anyways.

So if I could live forever, I suppose I would live for myself. When it comes down to the bare bones of it all, isn't that the one thing that will always remain constant in your life? No matter what you do, whoever enters or leaves, whoever helps you or hurts you....the one person who will always be there is your self.

Thanks, self. This life's for you.